maskormenace | 001. ( an important advertisement. )

( Brace yourselves, imports - possibly literally. Whatever volume the device was on somehow seems too loud with the energetic blast of an aggressively catchy opening credits tune and is soon accompanied by a Dramatic Voiceover. You know the type of voice - mysteriously gravelly and somehow sounding just too intense. )

HAVE YOU EVER WOKEN UP ( dramatic pause ) TO DISCOVER THE WORLD ( dramatic pause ) IS A DARKER PLACE THAN YOU EVER KNEW? AND JUST KNOWN ( dramatic pause ) THAT CHANGE WAS ON THE HORIZON?

( Ah, yes, a shot of a Manly Form against the skyline, silhouetted by the sunlight, and with a shotgun against his shoulder. )

CAN LOVE SURVIVE WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE THE WORLD IS AGAINST YOU? AND ( an even more dramatic pause ) .... CAN YOU SURVIVE WITHOUT LOVE?

( Fade to black, but only for a moment.
Behold, gentle viewers, the face of purest suffering. At the very least it is a look of intense suffering, because Rosita has taken several weeks of being intensely aggravated by producers and reminding herself that she needs the money to help Carl and Daryl and Andrea and Enid and keep them all safe to try, and allowed herself to be trained into looking slightly more cooperative. )

Hi. I’m ImPort Rosita Espinosa, and I’m here to bring romance back from the dead. ZomBae will be hitting your screens in just a few weeks, a fresh new show combining the trials of finding love with surviving the apocalypse.

( Okay, no. She still sounds like she hates this, and she still does, but it’s been turned into a marketing #aesthetic. Have you ever heard a tone more flat? Isn’t it great how aloof she is? )

( Yeah, sure. But wait! Who’s this handsome devil? There is a new person on screen, and that person would be one Gabriel Grey. He looks as if he is enjoying this about as much as Rosita is when he speaks. )

My name is Gabriel, [ he may be reading off some cue cards, focus intent an inch left of the camera, maintaining his own deadpan #aesthetic ], I'm 30, and I come from New York City. I would call myself resourceful and hardworking, which would work to my advantage in the wake of some kind of world-ending disaster like the zombie apocalypse and also [ he is definitely reading off cue cards ] love.

( Back to Rosita, and she is resting an axe against her shoulder as she talks, rubbing her forehead for a brief moment before she forces herself to go on. Flat as Hell: ) But we need your help to find Gabriel his perfect partner in survival, and in life.

( And now, a montage:
Gabriel and Rosita fight zombies. Gabriel and Rosita scan the terrain with binoculars. Gabriel and Rosita fortify a room and Prepare For Battle. Gabriel and Rosita ride some horses on a beach only for the camera to pan back and show some extras dressed as zombies shambling after them, and then!!! The final shot: Gabriel picks up a SINGLE PERFECT ROSE (sigh) from amidst the mud and carnage… and stares into the sunset. It’s very wistful. (It’s not very wistful at all.)

( All in all, it’s as terrible as it sounds. )

( Now, enough of that montage; back to the present, and their artistically messy hair. Rosita looks to Gabriel, and her expression very much is along the lines of please, let this be the end, let me die, before her jaw flexes and she forces out the last bit with a smile. )

If you think you have what it takes to be a Zombae, or you know someone who does, then let us know by leaving a comment.

( ooc: Green is Rosita, red is Gabriel, and comments will be coming from both of them. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he hates video, but fuck it, Rosita needed him.]

I'll come over, shoot 'im right now.

[he means the bachelor.

...and probably the producers.

~~watch his fanbase assume he's jealous~~]

( Rosita is currently sitting on a beach... or, rather, a set piece of a piece, sitting a ridiculously over the top looking iced coffee with cream and sprinkles and god knows what else. She doesn't look alarmed, so much as gently concerned. )

Daryl. Gabriel got dragged into this same as me.

( Daryl think of the fanbase gdi )

[his fanbase will go nuts over it. But he actually doesn't care. And won't. Right up until random people start asking him how long he and Rosita have been together and why doesn't he hug her like he hugged Rick? Is she a rebound? And all that other stupid shit they'll come up with.

Her response does mollify him a little, though not much.]

Last guy named Gabriel we helped out nearly screwed us over.

[not that Rosita's lived though that yet. So, uh, fair warning?]

( Her brow flickers, and this has gone very rapidly from a conversation about her friend with Amazing Eyebrows to something very different. She leans forward, studying Daryl intently through the screen. )

The priest.

( That is somehow both statement and question. ) The priest nearly screwed up over?

( What did that useless dumbass do? )

Yeah, he did, he-

[Hold up, Carl just joined the conversation and Daryl is currently staring at the screen in pure confusion.]

...Carl say's he got better. Ain't sure when that happens.

( Give Rosita a moment to look at the sky - or, rather, the ceiling of this studio - and then back to Daryl, with a generous pause for dear God, why this sandwiched in there. )

This different timeline crap is getting really old.

( She shakes her head. )

Maybe Carl's got him figured out better than you or me.

[Daryl's paying more attention to Carl's feed for a moment than he is to Rosita and there is a distinct, very visible change in his stare. The creases around his eyes soften and his eyebrows shift upward a fraction. The frown becomes a little tighter, like he's trying not to choke up.

It takes him a second before he collects himself and shifts his focus back to Rosita. Gives her a nod and takes a deep breath.]

Yeah. Load of bullshit is right.

[Another moment and then Daryl's eyes shift downward, off to the side.]

Guess the Father ain't so bad.

[Not saying anything about the dickhead bachelor they'd found for her to 'help', though. No, no... wait. He is.]

The guy even know what bushes not to crouch in when he needs to take a shit?

[So helpful, Daryl is.]

Not the thorny kind, right?

None of them, Sunshine. You shit next to bushes, not in them.

[[He's assuming Gabriel's being sarcastic.]]

Got me there. On the other hand, I don't know if bush shitting will feature extensively.

Not on camera, but if yer really tryin' ta survive and not faking it, you'll be doing it a lot.

Our walkers will be unionized and in partial makeup. They were going to stunt double the part with the horses, too.

Edited 2016-09-02 13:03 (UTC)

[The use of 'walkers' gives Daryl pause. Outside of his people, that was the first time he'd seen anyone else use the term. Rosita had probably drilled it into the guy's head, sure, but Daryl'd had the impression the people doing the rest of the work still insisted on calling them all 'zombies'. The name of the farce was ZomeBae.]

Then there ain't no real testing going on, is there? Wrap a pile of shit in a bow, it's still a pile of shit.

I'd agree with you, but there's probably something in my contract that says I'm not allowed.

Get a better lawyer.

He got better!

[wtf Carl? You're supposed to back Daryl up here, not make sense.

Daryl just kind of stares at the screen in confusion, letting that speak for him. Got some explaining to do, there.]

[ this calls some explanation. ]

When the walls fell and the walkers got in, he helped pave a way on the walkers to get Dad and I and Judith into the house. And he took Judith to safety afterwards when that house got compromised, all by himself.

[Okay, yeah. That does sound like 'he got better'. Shit. Here he was all intent on mildly disliking the guy's guts and ignoring his presence and he has to go and save Judith of all people.]

Not a scratch on lil'Asskicker?

[Just to be sure. And if his stare is suddenly a little too intense, it's because the thought of her being in danger like that gets him more emotional than he likes to let on. He's trying hard to hide it.]

Well, I don't remember it - [ Head wound and memory suppression by LACKEY and all ] - but that's what happened according to Dad. I do remember Gabriel coming up to me earlier and apologized for what happened and asked me to teach him how to use the machete.

[ That was before the attack by the W people, however. ]

[Shit and more shit. Rick was the one that vouched for it happening? Hell. And even if Carl can't remember it, he can still remember the asshole coming up to him and trying to make things right. More hell with a helping of god fucking damn it.

Most of Daryl's ire deflates right out of him and he drops his eyes, nodding along.]

Okay.

[I.e. Gabriel's cool with him now. Even if he wasn't there for it. Yet.]

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