Alright, I need a little help.

[Josuke is quick to the point when he addresses the network today. He may be at home, wrapped comfortably in a fuzzy blue throw blanket patterned with white stars and appearing for all the world like he's refusing to budge from his position on Heropa #004's couch, but he's nevertheless a man on a mission.]

See, I've got this friend...

[Ah, there it is. The reason for this Saturday afternoon interruption.

Josuke's even kind enough to include a picture! One he likely printed off his phone, but at least the face of one Ken Kaneki, blushing and embarrassed for some reason, is visible for all to see!]

...you probably all know him, so you know he's the kinda guy who worries more about other people than he does himself! And with Valentine's Day quickly approaching, it'd be a real shame if someone as smart, kind, and good-looking as Ken spent the day all by himself, right?

Which is where you guys come in!

[As he sits up, Josuke drops the TV remote off his lap and inevitably unmutes the television set in the room which...seems to be playing some kind of telenovela? Sure, why not. At least we know where he got this wild idea from.

After a moment of scrambling to mute that again, because Spanish expletives and jealous screaming is a little distracting, Josuke continues...]

I gotta find Ken a date!

[Because that's what good friends do.]

Or better yet, a bunch of dates! Because you can't find the one if you don't put yourself out there. So, which of you lucky people wants to sign up for an all-expenses-paid evening of fun with one of America's finest?

Come on, don't be shy!